INDOlink - Love Connection - The Key to Maintaining Sexual Desire in a Marriage

INDOlink - Love Connection - The Key to Maintaining Sexual Desire in a Marriage: "The Key to Maintaining Sexual Desire in a Marriage
by: Jasmeen Dugal

1. The keys to sexual desire are positive anticipation and the feeling that you deserve sexual pleasure.
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2. . Each person is censurable for his/her desire with the couple working as an intimate team to nurture and enhance desire. Revitalizing sexual desire is a couple duty and contrary to popular belief, not just an individual process with the male in charge.
3. Inhibited desire is the most common sexual dysfunction, effecting one in five couples. Desire problems drain intimacy and good feelings from the relationship. You have to establish a good line of communication and plainly tell your spouse what gives you pleasure; remember: your spouse is not a mind reader!
4. On an average, one out of five married couples have a non-sexual marriage.
5. The initial romantic love/passionate sex pattern lasts less than two years – popularly known as the “honeymoon syndrome”. Desire is facilitated by an intimate, interactive sexual relationship. It is only too easy to let work and household duties or children dominate your waking hours – make a conscious effort to take some time out for intimacy.
6. The essence of sexuality is giving and receiving pleasure. The prescription to revitalize and maintain sexual desire is intimacy, pleasuring and eroticism. Hint: leave little yellow sticky notes where your spouse is bound to discover it, specifying your desires and fantasies – sure to heat up the moment…
7. Touching occurs both inside and outside the bedroom. Touching is valued for itself, and breeds intimacy although it does not always lead to intercourse.
8. Couples who maintain a vital sexual relationship can use the metaphor of touching as having five stages. Stage one is clothes on and affectionate touching (holding hands, kissing and hugging reminiscent of courtship). Stage two is non-genital, sensual touch, which can be clothed or semi-clothed (cuddling on the couch, showering together or touching while half asleep). Stage three is playful touching: this can be in bed, dancing or on the couch clothed. Stage four is erotic touching (rubbing) to high arousal and orgasm. Stage five integrates pleasurable and erotic touch, which flows into intercourse. Sounds like a sex manual? Well, just try it out and check out the change in your relationship!
9. Both the man and woman value affectionate, sensual, playful, erotic and intercourse experiences. Don’t let it slip away…
10. Both the man and woman are comfortable initiating touching and intercourse. Feel free to say no and suggest an alternative way to connect and share pleasure, if tired. But don’t give up!
11. A key change strategy is to develop ways of thinking, talking, anticipating and feeling, which invite being sexual.
12. Sexuality has a number of positive functions for the relationship – a shared pleasure, a means to reinforce and deepen intimacy and a tension reducer to deal with the stresses of life.
13. The average frequency of sexual intercourse should be three-four times a week.
14. Personal turn-on (fantasies, special memories, anniversaries or birthdays, sex with the goal of pregnancy, initiating a favorite erotic scenario and being playful or spontaneous) facilitate sexual anticipation and desire.
15. Use of external turn-on (X-rated videos, music, visual feedback from mirrors, being sexual outside the bedroom, a weekend away without the kids, facilitate anticipation and desire.
16. Non-demand pleasuring can be a way to connect physically and a means to share pleasure.
17. Intimate coercion is not acceptable. Sexuality is neither a reward nor a punishment. It is voluntary, mutual and pleasure-oriented.
18. Realistic expectations are crucial for maintaining a vital sexual relationship. It is self-defeating and harmful to demand equal desire, arousal, orgasm and satisfaction. Realistically, sexual experiences are very good for both people. Twenty-five percent are very good for one (usually the man) and okay for the other. Twenty-five percent are okay for one and the other finds it acceptable. Be aware that five to ten percent of sexual experiences are mediocre. Couples who accept this without guilt or blaming and try again when they are receptive have a resilient sexual relationship.
19. When sex is less than twice a month, the couple become self-conscious and falls into a cycle of anticipatory anxiety, tense and unsatisfying sex and avoidance. Don’t let this happen to your marriage.
20. Healthy sexuality plays a positive, integral role in a relationship, fifteen-twenty percent, with the main function to energize the bond and generate special feelings"